I decided to write this blog post because I regularly step into a situation of this kind. I find this episodes of shame widely common and frequently exercised. And THIS MUST CHANGE! By all means.

With years of experience, things I’ve seen, parents I’ve talked to, stories I heard, and researches I’ve read I’m basically able to spot this unique spectrum spark in a totally unknown child. I’m obviously not 100% right in every single case but hardly ever my observations are, well, pretty spot-on.

And nearly always behind a child who demonstrate bad behavioural choices runs an embarrassed relative (pretty much always a father) trying to keep the little one as far as possible away from any possible human interaction.

The parent’s shame is so strong and dominant that every social and interpersonal contact with an outsider, someone our of the family circle is cut roughly off regardless anything.

Keeping away the child from curious and judging eyes of other people is the number one priority. Because ‘my kid is acting in a bizarre way and I don’t want to be taken as a freak, a bad role model or a weirdo’. This is for those who are still not aware of health condition or still without an ASD diagnosis or clearly not accepting the obvious.

It’s natural to push back unpleasant emotions and experiences. Isolate and try to separate form negativity in any form. These works for you as parent, and for you child on the spectrum. It’s a protection instinct towards your child that plays the biggest role.

And the loop is set and running.

Once there is an acceptance, this odd feeling of mortification will be going away slowly and surely.

You won’t be escaping from any moment of confrontation with the outside world and you won’t be blending in you head thoughts of embarrassment, again and again, day and nights, from Monday till Sunday, 365 days in the whole holy year.

Imagine a crying newborn, a baby, a toddler, a preschooler in a moment of a meltdown. Imagine it better.

See also a parent – a father, mother, aunt or grandmother hanging on crying and writhing child.

And even better – the people around, all those strangers ready to finger you out and spit an acid comment.

I also thought that crying and screaming baby gives a supreme annoyance to the surroundings. And…really… that crying child gives the most irritation to its own parent.

You have to learn to ignore ‘the good pieces of advice’ from passers-by staring at you with this extremely irritated look in their eyes and pay attention to what is most important and precious. Participate in your child’s life and adventures. Including meltdowns in the middle of a store and tantrums on an airplane. And what others think is really lower order.

And I can highly recommend this book.

Be positive. Live positive!