Difficult, stubborn or just knowing what he wants and consistently pursuing his goal?

What really lies at the heart of an uncompromising run towards a target and what is the driving force behind this process? Why it is often seen as a character trait and a ‘state of mind’ that is even undesirable and is at the forefront of elements condemned to absolute elimination.

When I was a child, I have rarely heard of any disability associated with cognitive development or sensory integration disorders. There are many reasons for this, from poor screening to increased shame and stigmatisation of families with disabilities at all.

Fortunately, these times are a distant past, although open and honest talks on topics such as autism or Asperger syndrome are not yet everywhere is a proverbial piece of cake.

Autism very often has as one of its ‘best friend’ some kind of stubbornness and the absolute refusal to be commanded.

This (let’s call it here) ‘issue’ is related to behavioural parto of self-management that plays role in ‘being in control’.

It has nothing to do with being presumptuous. 

I called it ‘stubbornness’ because it almost comes with a ‘NO!’. But this is a quite different attitude.

The stubbornness of a child reflects its positive characteristic, and that is its determination, its being self-confident, knowing what it wants. So having this in mind, we must find a balance, a way of educating. 

Without demeaning his determination, crushing it and therefore risking to cancel it. On the other hand be careful that doesn’t lead to make him grow selfish, focused only on himself.

The ‘stubbornness’ used here to explain you my point is a ‘be in control’ of my child on the spectrum and ‘instructional control’ of myself versus the very same ‘stubborn’ kiddo!

In a nutshell, instructional control is a pure hate and ‘no-go’ for in case of situation, when they are told what to do. 

How to get rid of this attitude?

You can deal with it, deem it a bit, but in most cases people who like to be and feel in control of their own decisions and every day life are definitely not very keen to change how does it work. And in this case, for them, is the best option, as it creates much less stress and anxiety related to changes and wellness correlated to the balanced life.

The risk? Always giving in, so that the child strengthens his stubbornness (always getting what he wants, the child will not logically change his attitude); or get stuck and avoid giving it in every time, creating very strong contrasts and working on pairing, motivation, pushing boundaries sometimes and giving choices.

This is my personal recipe I have been using in my family. ABA/VB approach plays a huge role and helps enormously to decode all hidden in the mist clues. Everyone likes to have a chance to decide about things that happen around and if those things are in power of reshape any set up that at that exact moment feels comfy and up-and-running’, to avoid stress and anxiety related to any modification we prefer to handle things in person! How genius and obvious it is?!